By the Deplorabelle
CONFERENCE ROOM
Joe Biden and Rishi Sunak are sitting at a conference table. Reporters are gathered around the room.
RISHI SUNAK
It is a pleasure to talk with you, sir.
JOE BIDEN
Yes, Rishi. I enjoy meeting with world leaders. It’s a nice break from all the criticism I’ve been getting..
RISHI SUNAK
I don’t understand why. I think you’re doing a fantastic job.
JOE BIDEN
Well, I was recently criticized for sending cluster bombs to the Ukraine. What people don’t realize is that the U.S. is running out of ammunition, so this move is necessary.
RISHI SUNAK
Mr. President, aren’t you giving out important state secrets?
JOE BIDEN
Pshaw, that’s not a secret. Anyone with half a brain would realize that there isn’t an endless supply of bullets. No, a real state secret would be if I revealed that Elvis Presley killed JFK.
RISHI SUNAK
Elvis Presley killed JFK?
JOE BIDEN
(exaggerated wink)
Now I’m not saying if that’s true or not, but it does tie together all those loose ends.
RISHI SUNAK
I’m not too sure about that, but it sure is a great example of a state secret.
JOE BIDEN
Another great example of a state secret is the fact that Jimmy Hoffa is buried under the Shubert Theater in NYC.
RISHI SUNAK
So, when the characters in Some Like it Hot break into a musical number, they’re literally dancing on Jimmy Hoffa’s grave?
JOE BIDEN
(nodding enthusiastically)
I didn’t say that outright.
RISHI SUNAK
Let’s discuss world events.
JOE BIDEN
If you come to the U.S. I’ll show you an actual extraterrestrial ship. We have seven of them, plus 15 ray guns, 3 alien bodies, and something labeled “Omega 13.”
RISHI SUNAK
That sounds very exciting. I’ll have to book a trip across the pond.
Sound of camera clicking and flashbulbs going off.
JOE BIDEN
Now remember, these secrets have to stay just between the two of us. No blabbing!
FADE TO BLACK